Saturday, May 1, 2010

Read between the lines: Band Bio

This is an example of when a publicist has to apologize for the unlikable personality of a musician and can only rely upon a weak and arrogant comparison to two, somewhat sympathetic, fictional assholes recognized by hipsters and the literate alike.

The following is a REAL band bio:

______________ is an alt-folk bandleader from ______________ , and his is the story of one man's willingness to be obsessed at his own risk. He is a fine writer of prose and if it weren't for his infatuation with music and performing he'd probably be sitting up in his room churning out novels instead of songs. His band, featuring members of __________ is the result of five albums worth of playing in the streets, touring, sometimes living hungry, and sometimes selling out shows to the ravenous fans who've found them.

From his high concept records to his busking in front of national monuments and his tours in Finland, Alaska and everywhere in the continental United States, _____ loves to experiment, but he's suffered for it. He has run out of money, slept in his car, booked tours from the road, and
sacrificed relationships at home for the good of his art. The result is an incredible talent, live show, and band unparalleled in _______ . On tour they often play two shows, one in the club they were booked and one in the street to boost attendance and sell a few records. At the end of the day though all of this patience and dedication has made _____ sort of a loner, conflicted and uneasy, like captain Ahab at the end of the bar, the white whale tugging at the back of his mind. But like Hank Chinaski said in barfly: "No writer who wrote worth a damn wrote in peace."

READ BETWEEN THE LINES version of this band bio:
I am a dick and I play music.


Amber Dawn said...

super-duper high five for the pee wee video clip.

Dr. Something said...

I never really got the appeal of Bukowski and I certainly don't get the romanticization of dicks who play music.

Those singularly obsessed with recovering a stolen bicycle, however, are our real cultural heroes.

Jess Gulbranson said...

Don't forget "Writing novels is hard, so I'll just pretend my derivative lyrics are literary."