Tuesday, March 23, 2010

HOLY SHIT! The Goldie Edition

I just heard Joanna Newsom for the first time. I am horrified. This is the audio equivalent to the Saw movies:



With out getting into the whole "ethics of music" thing, I want to tell you how I feel about this woman's voice.

I hate her voice.

Joanna Newsom's voice has clearly inspired the bulk of all the singers I strongly dislike. All this time, I thought Conor Oberst was solely to blame,but it turns out he has a female counterpart in vocal crime.

Thank you to the angels who spared me of this pain for all these years. For all of those who protected me from Joanna Newsom's voice, those of you who knew I wasn't strong enough to hear it, I love you and hope you will see me through this new tear in my psyche. BUT TO THAT ONE CRUEL AND EDUCATING FRIEND I HAVE THIS TO SAY TO YOU:

You bitch.

9 comments:

Jess Gulbranson said...

Goldie, sometimes I think we butt heads the way we do because under the skin we are actually brother and sister. This fucking voice, it makes me want to believe in God just to curse him. I think an apt comparison, male-singer-wise, would be Frank Black- no particular talent, highly affected, gratuitously esoteric lyrics, and inspires successful imitators(Isaac Brock, I'm looking at you) who themselves inspire legions of nitwit imitators. Perhaps the most dangerous part of this style, is that to the casual listener, "highly affected" vocals can easily be misinterpreted as "really good", much as in electric bass playing, "killer bass playing" can easily be simulated by "turning up the tone knob and cranking the mids on your amp." People are fucking morons. I was just making the same observation while watching a certain local band whose name I won't mention, whose frontwoman sounds just like this Newsom chick, and whose tattoos/affectations/etc. easily overwhelm the general musical contributions of the rest of the band, much to their detriment. And ours. Dammit!!!

Dr. Something said...

Yeah, I always thought she should take some inspiration from Harpo.

Ms. Goldie D. said...

DR. S>>>> LOL thank you.

Jess - you and I are a heavy hitting hater tag team. I throw a fit and you articulate it.

On the subject of Joanna Newsom's vocal comparissios: some people I know say she sounds like "Nell".

Amber Dawn said...

I was never much for Newsom either. Lots of people whose musical taste I respect go ape shit over her, but like has been said, her voice just bugs me.

Eriq Nelson said...

I'm a huge fan of Newsom and her strange, lilting tones. I can understand other people's issues with her though. 'Tis a bit odd.

I hold my own heretical opinion that Bob Dylan is unlistenable mumbling. Every cover of Dylan I hear I like, so I get the feeling I should go back and give him another shot. Then I am dissappointed.

t wiggins said...

her music reminds me of waiting in line at a starbucks inside a barnes & noble.

Jess Gulbranson said...

Goldie- scrolling down, I read that you thought we were a "heavy Hitler tag team." If that's not an awesome band name, I don't know what is.

Travis- it's comments like these that make me so grateful you are part of our blog community.

Ms. Goldie D. said...

HEAVY HITLER TAG TEAM is the name of our new band.

Carly said...

I can't even watch more than 30 seconds of that........I really tried.

Regarding the new album, I just read that her voice changed because in the spring of 2009, she developed vocal chord nodules and couldn't speak, sing or cry for two months. The recovery from the nodules and further "vocal modifications" changed her voice. I call bullshit....I bet she dropped it because it was annoying.