SparkleGirl's review of Hockey/Passion Pit at the Crystal Ballroom

I don't really know if that is what Sparkle Girl looks like, it was just one of the first Google image results to pop up.

So, this review is not written by me. Let's get that straight. All I've done is read me some Craigslist music postings, found me a fantastic show review, and learned y'all with some repostin'. Also I have done some minor edits to tame the truly berserk ellipses and... well, what do you call an ellipsis made out of commas? I digress...

Some may say that reposting someone else's article without asking them is inappropriate. To them I say: Fuuuuuuuck you. I have indeed contacted Sparkle Girl, to let her know that her review was awesome and that she should consider writing for Crappy were she so inclined. I haven't heard back from her, but at least I've tried. Besides, it was on Craigslist!!! So, without further ado, here is her review.

Hello folks, this is the first of many show reviews I will be posting in the coming weeks. Last night I went to see Passion Pit and Hockey. Now, I will admit I have been looking forward to seeing Passion Pit for months. I love the song they play on the radio, plus the show was at the Crystal Ballroom, one of my favorite venues, so I was in a great mood... notwithstanding that I went alone, again. Even so, I am a short girl so I always make my way to the front of the stage, usually on the left side, so needless to say I had a commanding view of the stage, as usual. Hockey played first. They do have a popular song on the radio at the moment, which led me to believe they might be good. The first song passed and I was definitely not impressed… 4 minutes later song number two was over and I was checking out the set list to see how many songs they still had left. Song after song ... I couldnt wait for the end. The drummer and the keyboard player played to each other- they actually had some talent , but the guitarist and the singer were uber boring and the bass player played only the top two strings… or I should say the bottom two strings, which led me to believe he was afraid of the other two strings, as he never touched them. OMG. Did I say the guitarist was boring? I meant he did nothing worth noticing, and as for the singer I think he looked about 12 years old...not to mention their radio hit did not come through favorably in their live performance. It was dry like old white toast. Or dry young white toast. They also had a filler entertainer named Anja Maria who has a song on a movie or t.v.show about teenage vampires. She played her two songs and left promptly. Her songs were short and cute, like her and did not totally suck. “Satellite Heart” is her song, which I understand has some accolades. Passion Pit played next and they had lots of energy and bad shoes. I have a long standing motto,"Never trust a woman in Keds." How did an entire band of boys find women’s shoes in their sizes? Plain white Keds. Is this some kind of nightmare? A bad joke? An alternate reality where low rise, tight pegged pants and women’s shoes are in style??? Where the heck have I been?? I thought I was imagining it the first time I saw it when Hockey came out in the same outfit, but no, Passion Pit came out wearing the same garb, and bad garb at that. I thought that maybe Keds had given these kids a sponsorship. I mean free is free… In any case, on with the show. Did I mention I love Passion Pits' song "The Reeling"? Yeah, they played that last, and half the song was pre-programmed (which always bums me out when bands do that ), but by the third song I had figured "how can one make a mediocre song sound pretty good?" Have Passion Pit play it! The singer sang all his songs in a falsetto voice(which was annoying after about the fifth song) and near the end he could not contain it any longer and his voice started cracking. The drummer had a beautiful silver metal flake DW set that he only messed up on twice the whole night . The percussionist was quite extra and provided no real ooomph.. I will admit that the keyboard player and bass player were so uninteresting I did not look at them more that twice... sorry boys. However, I was standing next to two of the silliest boys, which made the evening quite interesting and fun even if the music was a let down. This review is by SPARKLE GIRL,,,,,,,,,,, be sure and look out for SPARKLE GIRL'S TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

See what I mean? Awesome, huh. After having edited that I realize that it was probably written on a cell phone. So, thanks to Sparkle Girl for being a guest blogger. If you're SG, or know her, get in touch with us.

Oh come on! You don't think I'd leave it at that, did you? A little digging comes up with a Portland band called Left Hand Zero, whose drummer (note the attention to Passion Pit's kit above) is one Michele "Sparkle Girl" Gomez. Oh really? So maybe this is what Sparkle Girl really looks like...